Life does't go as planned

It's been a week and two days since my 8 week ultrasound, and its been a week and one day since my D&C surgery. It feels like it's been months. Everything happened so fast. But sharing and talking about my experience has been the best way to cope for me. I was so open about my pregnancy since I had no typical miscarriage symptoms and everyone wanted to know what was going on with my show. So I really had no issue telling family, friends, and clients that I was pregnant. The hardest part has been telling people that ask me how pregnancy is going.  I feel silly for being so open about it, but I was just so excited and I'm terrible at keeping secrets.

I went in on Wednesday the 21st for my 8 week appointment. The doctor, myself, and the staff all assumed I was having a normal pregnancy. I got the "new Mom" bag with all the booklets and info, and Dr. Griffith answered all of mine and Corey's questions. He then said I could get an ultrasound since I was most likely far along enough to see a heartbeat. The ultrasound tech was a previous client so we talked and joked quite a bit. When she went quiet I knew something was wrong. Baby Bausch was only measuring 6 weeks and 3 days along and their was no blood flow or heart beat. She had to get Dr. Griffith and it seemed like an eternity waiting for him. The screen with my ultrasound was right in front of me and I just wanted to tear it off the wall. I'm so glad Corey was there that day. I don't know what I would have done being in that dark room alone. Seeing him cry was the hardest part of that day for me. He's been my biggest support from that moment on. Dr. Griffith finally came in and he let us know I needed a D&C as soon as possible since it had been longer than a week since my miscarriage and the risk of infection was high. We then had to go wait in the "Quiet Room" while they hurried and got the paperwork for the D&C. Once again, it seemed like forever. I left my "new mom" bag in the ultrasound room. I didn't want to look at it. I tried to give them back my prenatal prescription, but they wanted me to hold on to it just in case we wanted to try again. I just wanted to tear them up and throw them away, but I held on to that paper as tightly as I could before I lost it completely. The ultrasound tech came in again to give me a hug and then Corey and I both lost it. Sitting in that stupid "Quiet Room" room was awful. I never want to sit in there again. Once we finally signed all the paperwork we had to go to registration for surgery. Since it was an emergency surgery they were hurrying to get it staffed and let everyone know what was going on, so we had to explain what was going on over and over again. My Dr. appointment was at 1:30 and we finally left the hospital around 5:00. They let us know right before we left that my surgery was officially scheduled at 7 am the next day, and I needed to be there at 6. Corey and I finally were able to leave. We decided to go and tell Corey's family and seeing Corey cry again was awful.
When we finally got home we realized we had no groceries so we ended up going shopping. I felt like a zombie walking around the store, but once we were home it was amazing just to spend some time with Corey. Going to sleep that night was impossible and I woke up Corey bawling at 1 am. When surgery finally rolled around at 7 am I was knocked out and the surgery only took 10 minutes. I woke up out of anesthesia quickly and we were out of the door by 9:30. I was able to take some time off of work, and we had a long holiday weekend, so it gave me more time to heal.
This weekend should have been my show, so it's strange to think how much things changed so fast. I had planned to finish off my prep, do my show, compete nationally, and go to Cancun. When we found out I was pregnant, I was in shock since I had so many plans that were on such a different track. After the shock wore off we got excited and I was so much more mentally prepared. Yo-yoing with all these emotions has been hard but I'm starting to finally feel like myself. I'm so grateful for all the messages on Facebook, hugs, and flowers people have sent.