Changes

So I've been thinking lately about how much things have changed. I know things always change but some things really bother me.

I grew up with a couple cousins that were really close to my age. One was two months younger than me and one was about a year. We saw each other regularly and did everything together. They were my favorite people to spend time with, especially my older cousin. She also had a little sister that was almost the same age as my sister, so it worked out perfectly. I remember playing magnent horses, running around the golf course dressed up, and having hair parties. We always told each other I was going to be the first to get married and we would be eachothers bridesmaids for all of our weddings

But things have changed. My little sister is closer to those cousins than I am. I guess it's partly my fault, but who knows. I know part of it is that I'm not as "religious" as they are. But that shouldn't matter either. People should love you no matter what. I saw my older cousin a couple weeks before the wedding for a few minutes and I almost cried. We didn't have as much to talk about and it felt awkward like she didn't know what to say. She and my sister had lots to talk about, even though Wendy is four years younger than her and in a different place in life.
My two closest cousins and my sister were my bridesmaids like planned. But it didn't feel like they wanted to be there. Like it was too much of an inconvinience for them to show up. I didn't get a bridal shower, bacherlorette party, or anything. I didn't expect much, but it was the biggest day of my life so far and it really felt like that didn't matter to them. Maybe I expected too much, but when you plan your wedding in your head since you were little, you want it to be special.
I saw my cousin that's two months younger than me at her brother's wedding in July I think. It was the first time I'd seen her since the wedding. We didn't have much to talk about either. Nothing to really relate about. Once again I almost cried because this was a girl I had know since birth.
And we had nothing to talk about.

Like I said before, maybe it was my fault. I should have tried harder, gone to church more, married in the temple so they could relate. But that's not how it turned out and I'm happy with who I married and my life, even if I'm not perfect. I miss and love my cousins a lot. I kinda hope they read this since I'm too shy to tell them how I really feel. Love you Erica and Jaimie.